i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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