I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
