i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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