We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
