I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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