can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
