Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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