Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You ate ashes out of my bong
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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