Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
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