just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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