Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
