i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Did I show you my penis last night?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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