I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
