I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
