I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
