girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
