i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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