Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
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