I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
