it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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