East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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