I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
