I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
