My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
