i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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