Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
