He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
