I wish I could teleport
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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