Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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