the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
