He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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