I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
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I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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