nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
