So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
