There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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