I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
