She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
