we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just found puke in my bra..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
