And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
My penis needs a shock collar
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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