this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
