Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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