If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
