I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
