mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
