haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
