Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
