May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
