The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
