p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
