You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
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Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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