Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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