He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
