So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
