Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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