she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
