Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
