I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
