The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
