It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
