You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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