I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
