We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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