you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
