saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
