Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
