Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
