Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
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