What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
