We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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