There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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