69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
