I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
