I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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