I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
