using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize
