She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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