The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Randomize
