i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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