I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
