never play flip cup with pint glasses
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
