Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
