In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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