Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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