I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Randomize
