That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
