Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
