And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
