I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
