Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
