I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
